Feminine Lines

Is the institution of marriage a descendant of a generational institution or a Christian one? Are we to have the so-called 'fortitude' of the ones before us or follow the precepts of love set in the bible? I get a little confused by the comparison. I usually ask people, "are you in a Christian marriage or a traditional marriage"? If you understand the order, you might do differently. The marriages of the generations before us displayed a union that had many variations and shadows to bible precepts. The generation of my wife is a property I own and not necessarily an active and equal team player. You are only as good as I say you are. I can have one legal wife and as many concubines my pocket change can permit. You do not have a say when my family matters, like as if you the extended family member. You don't speak unless spoken to. Just to name a few.  How can you compare it? Do you still wonder what happened to our generation of marriages?  We are rebelling agains...

When two of your children are fighting God what do you do? I would have them to sit down, I'll ask them to speak,  I would ask them to reconcile so that they can both be healed. One cannot be in denial of their wrongdoing and the other be willing to reconcile, both must be readily honest, open and available for reconciliation. That is when God can minister to both of them, and that is when God can bring change and also fill in the gap and that's when healing can finally take place. How can one hide behind the premise of grace and yet still be comfortable to do wrong? If one does not acknowledge their wrong, can there be forgiveness for what you do not admit to? You must identify with your wrong to see beyond.   It's hard for someone to apologize when they can't even take ownership of their wrongdoing. They are always waiting for someone else to point it out. They may use their own perspective to deceive themselves. They may be fully unwilling to entertain the perspectiv...

           So you wonder why the young girl is so smitten by her boyfriend of a few months and has agreed to marry him? Oh, did I not tell you that he reminds her of her daddy. He does grandiose things once in a blue moon and tells her she means the world to him. Why is this a challenge?           Small consistent acts show your character and commitment. It's not in the big show of acts of love for the world to see that measures your commitment or love. It doesn't mean you can now earn her world. You don't always need to show up as a 'hero'. Just show up frequently as 'you'. Show up with your challenges and perfect imperfections. Real heroes move without superpowers or costumes and it has cost them much more to be diligent. While she may not forget the grand gesture, it has misaligned her expectation in meaningful relationships and represented false masculinity to her. You can't keep up really. You might not be able to give ...

          Don't you think contracts should be signed before people have sex, make love, be intimate? Whatever name you want to call it. If you carry life-giving sperm, pls be rest assured that you can possibly make babies. If you have viable eggs, be rest assured it can not only make a baby, but your eggs might choose to split and make multiple embryos.           All these one chance parents and shotgun wedded couples should diminish. Women that are looking to tie a man down at all cost, he will still give that 'love' to someone else. You will continue to have the burden of doing the work of 2 to keep the relationship, at all cost. Scheming and conniving to achieve what?           Men roaming the earth with no self-control and women giving it up without considering that you may be tied to 'him' forever. There's a place for random floating, 'don't know what to do with my soldiers' sperm. It's called a sperm ba...

When two of your children are fighting God what do you do? I would have them to sit down, I'll ask them to speak, I would ask them to reconcile so that they can both be healed. One cannot be in denial of their wrongdoing and one be willing to reconcile, both must be readily honest, open and available for reconciliation. That is when God can minister to the both of them, and that is when God can bring change and also fill in the gap and that's when healing can finally take place. How can one hide behind the premise of grace and yet still do wrong? If one does not acknowledge this, there cannot be forgiveness and they can't even forgive themselves. You must identify with your wrong to see beyond.  It's hard for someone to apologize when they can't even take ownership for their wrongdoing. They are always waiting for someone else to point it out. They may atimes use their own perspective to deceive themselves. God would normally draws His children together if bo...

Parents are our first love, we trust them instinctively . They are our safety net and everything that comes with a child's naivety. This trust is usually rubbed away by a series of events that erode it to degradation and despair and sometimes suicide in the worst-case scenario. Why does a parent not trust a child when a child simply trusts a parent, especially when they are vulnerable or in a vulnerable place. You wonder why as parents you hear things about your children from outside your home. As a parent and a child myself, I can identify with both ends of the stick. I struggle with relationships that do not show loyalty or at least maintain it. My child must never ever for a moment doubt that I'll always be on their side. I hope they know it too. As parents, do we create the emotional space for our children to come to us no matter what, with no fear of rejection even when there is a valid reason to? May I submit this for your cerebral musing, most Nigerian parents do...

    Relationships are beautiful. Most are unique and peculiar to those involved. Those involved usually write their own norm. I can safely assume that they are usually guided by their own core values and common interests.      Now, that's all well and dandy until a screw comes loose in someone's grey matter or the breeze from their village settled in their front room.      I have written in the past  read more here about women in families been the enablers of evil things they themselves will not tolerate or wish upon their female children. Simply, because the person is your sibling or relative doesn't make them right. Yes, you can be loyal but you can also be just.     Now to my main point, I have heard of this scenario a few times more than I would like to. How is that after you have been physically abused and your safety or self worth has been compromised; are we asking the victim to apologize to the perpetrator. In layman's E...

     Why in the world, would a father not know the names of the school his children attend? There are some questions that I would like to ask the women that are around these men. Do you know if he is in touch with his children; do you know if he is providing for his children consistently; do you know if he is aware of the state of their health, do you know if he knows? Are you now married to him and not asking about his children from his previous relationship?      If you are a sister, mother, sister in-law, friend, new wife/girlfriend, cousin or grandma etc to any man; please ask him regularly about his children. Please do hold him accountable every time you see him.      I know it sounds odd, let me expand. I have seen this happen with men who are no longer with the mothers of their children. They have no clear concrete knowledge or current information on their children. They know the airy fairy stuff. The things that keeps the mothe...

  I have two beautiful and unique girls. I also have two beautiful and unique set of hopes and dreams for them both.      In the barest minimum, I would like the following for them To be loved To be fed To be live in a loving home To feel secure To be educated To be able to play  To have room to express their individuality  To know that there is a possibility for their dreams to become a reality  To foster loving and lasting relationships with others Above all freedom of worship      I think I have mentioned a few of the the ones that immediately come to mind, there are a lot more. Now to my main point and concern in our society, the issue of 'Modern Slavery' which has been widely accepted as normal and yet widely ignored. This is especially rampant with those that get hired help. Most parents will not put their own children through what they put their maids or hired helps through.    We bring girls and boys ...

Take off your clothes and yes your pant. put on the robe when you are done. take off your shoes here and come in. lie down on the bed and LEGS UP pls. one nurse on my side and the gynae(male) and the other nurse beside him in front of my prized possession. if you are like me and it took 4yrs to summon up the courage to do a pap smear (smear test) then welcome to the club. i know how important it is to do one every three years or after delivery or if you are sexually active. but seeing that it took me 4yrs, obviously i was nervous. i told myself over and over not to panic, just try to relax and zone out, telling myself it would soon be over. over it wasnt, when after 10mins, they were still prying and tugging for a sample swab from the tip of my cervix because .......................(blah blah blah) but i was determined to go through this one as my 2 previous smears had been inconclusive. i had just wished they put me under to do the test. at least i think tha...

As a makeup artist, I can creatively cover up a multitude of scars except these. I can't cover the bruise to your soul, the bend to your emotions. I haven't found the concealer that can cover the tears from yester years' brutality. I haven't seen the eye shadow that can compliment the pain I see in your eyes, the gateway to your soul. You are so beautiful that you could do without colour cosmetics but yet you opt in on the excess just to put up some swag to detract from the issues. But I cherish your courage when you strip all butt naked down for me to see. I thank you my X, Y & Z friends for the trust you bestowed in me when the sheer nudity of your issues is painful to imagine let alone see. I will pray with you and for you. I feel your pain. But trust me the makeup won't cover it for long. Take out time to restore, take out time for you. Take out time to heal. Bear in mind that you are wonderfully made. Really, makeup can only work with what you have. You are...

She's beautiful, strong but yet fragile Her arms are wide enough to love all those that reach out for it She can sell her soul in righteousness to feed the ones she loves without even eating from the sale. Yet sometimes un(der)appreciated by the same ones that ate from the same sale of her soul. I am she, you are she, you know she, we are she I salute me, I salute you, I praise you, you are WORTH it The recipients of your enormous and continual sacrifice may not fully appreciate you now. But I know you are WORTH it It would all be worth it in the end I promise. There is no bitch in the karma coming your way, its all good baby, its all good. Your time and place to shine will come because you are worth it Indeed you are wonderfully made Don't let the few that don't appreciate you hinder you from the blessing those that so greatly do. Trust me, this too shall pass. Just hold on, and if you need a hand to hold, here's mine; cause you are WORTH it. But please, r...

Wow, its been a minute! Had all kinds of things going on at once. I think the worst was my laptop crashing. We made a few changes in my first child's education recently and I was amazed at some of the reactions and feedback I got. I am surprised as to the lack of common knowledge amongst us first time parents. I been one of them, now I am asking so many questions from everyone. We need to talk more amongst our close group of friends that have children in the same age group and find out what learning standards are out there for  them. I know we don't generally like to compare our children but its important to compare the standards they are receiving especially in school and the like. Its important to do before its too late so as to make any recommended changes no matter the cost. If you don't pay now, you would most definitely pay later. If you don't have a close group, start one now or join one. Please. Our children are one of our most treasured investment with t...

hello, wow, its been a while but i thought that I share the lyrics to Y'anna Crawley's 'The Promise' with you. i encourage you to buy the single on amazon or itunes Everybody doubting me, Said that it would never be Everything you promised me, oh woohoo, But the moment that I dreamed I found some better company, But deep inside my heart I know I know that you made me a promise Chorus: Jesus your the way n the promise, Miracles are raining down on us The promise, the promise Now im stepin’ into my purpose, See everything else is worth it Now that Im living the promise The promise, the promise Versus: The promise of yes we can, the change of life, more than man The power of a dream, that changes things, oh woohoo A promise nailed up on the cross, a promise that will save us all Im so glad he paid everything, guaranteed a promise Chorus: Jesus you’re the way n the promise, Miracles are raining down on us The promise, the promise Now im stepin’ into ...

I wondered who died in the family of a friend when I saw condolence messages. I found out later that her younger sister had committed suicide. My heart was deeply moved for her family. What makes a 26yr old lady have courage to take her own life but doesn't have courage to face another moment of the day. I would never know and neither would you. Yes, life can be overwhelming sometimes and even hopeless at other times. But one thing I know for sure 'no condition is permanent' and this too must pass. You would see the light of day if you can just take it one moment at a time rather than taking on too much. This comes back to my previous blog of 'I am fine'. Hmmmm I am sure she might have said that sometimes. Yes, she did say she was depressed, but sometimes we need someone to take out the time to ask and really listen. Have you been in touch with that one person this month? Let's reach out and hold someone's hand real tight and you would soon find out t...

this picture is of a brood of unhatched chicks i found in my compound. i had seen this furry thing and wondered what it was, the next morning, i found out it was a hen. it had lifted up its head and it didnt budge as i tried to chase it out of the compound before it ended up in my pot. i had seen a brood of chickens before and just chased them out. so i left the bird alone when i realised it was incubating its unborn chicks and she wasnt going to budge. so, i came in another day only to fine these 12 eggs, unprotected by the loving warmth of their mother hen. my heart went out to these unhatched vulnerable chicks and i immediately kicked into mummy mode to try and protect this brood. i realised that the hen had left them alone after the heavy rain to protect herself, but wasnt equipped in anyway to take her brood along. it must have been a hard decision i thought. so i covered them with bubble wrap to keep them warm and i am hoping and praying they make it. then i thought, sometime...

Hello Most treasured Sanity, How are you today? Really need to check on you cause it seems you haven't been around lately. I seem to be short tempered with the kids though I know they are not responsible for your prolonged absence. The spouse doesn't seem to figure and so I think both of you have eloped together with the same thoughts. Really, it seems the house can never stay tidy long enough. I did pay you for us to stay together longer but it seems other things get here and take up room before you arrive. Well, let me know when you choose to return so that I can create the time for us to spend quality time together and maybe then you might stay for good. P.S Pop in and pay the next lady a visit too. I think she might need you. Cause her back garden is overgrown and she hasn't sat there in a while. O, in the meantime what do I do till your next visit? Signed Who am I (again) How do you balance your life? What do you to keep it going without loosing ...

A friend- hey, how are you? Me/You - I am fine A friend - good, just thought to check on you and see how you are doing. Me/You ( our thoughts) - pls ask me detailed questions, I really do need someone to listen. I have talked to God and I know that He hears but He also uses people. I'm hurting but I wear a smile always. At least, I think that's what people expect, for me to have it together But as a woman, I am pulled at from all sides and usually the recipient of most things adverse. Please give me a big reassuring hug when you see me Please ask about my how my children are really doing Please ask if there is anything I need financially Please bless me though I look like I have it all Please dig a little deeper when you see me and don't take FINE alone for an answer Please ask how my marriage is doing Above all, ask me if I am doing ok with the things that concern me and if my dreams are been realised. Pray for me when I still say FINE and you know someth...

My buxom bosoms, They come with every female specie and in all shapes and sizes. But most importantly, we cant live without them whether they are huge, small, flat or being used as a feeding apparatus by another human specie. Some want to conceal, some want to reveal and some others just let it all hang out. Either way, they deserve all the love and care that you can offer them as they respond nicely to however they are related to....wink So, when last did you give yours the necessary care it deserves.....HAVE YOU EXAMINED YOUR BREASTS LATELY! I suggest you have them checked around your birthday, your spouse's (best friend) birthday and any time in October which is breast cancer awareness month. Take a group of trusted friends along to your gynaecologist and get checked, it would be comforting. Things you need to check out for are : lumps anything odd to you or majorly different between the 2 breasts any discharge (apart from breastfeeding mums) Make sure to get...

Hello all, I had wanted to blog for the longest time as i always have something to share, tell and ask. I have now found the perfect platform, blogging! I hope to enrich your lives as we all come together here to share our thoughts, so please follow me on this journey. The issue i would like to cover is the one very recent about the murder of a young wife. As a woman its the scariest thing to even imagine. Without taking sides or judging, it unnerves me to my core. As a child, i saw first hand the adverse effects on my mother physically and on me emotionally. (apologies to any family member who takes offence, pls dont). I share this openly to hopefully save someone else's life. When the women in our lives stay in abusive relationships, they set a bad example for us as they help us form an ideal that is warped as we know no other way. Abuse doesn't start after you get married, usually the signs are there when you are dating. Most times, we allow our judgement to be ...